This fucking thing

I don't know why I allowed myself to compromise my highly-principled "I'm not going to camp out for a Wii" stance. Probably, I suppose, because before Christmas I was always leaving it in someone else's hands as to whether or not I got a Wii, whilst now the burden has fallen to me. I did not camp out, I'm proud to say; on the other hand, I did get up early yesterday (7:30AM, which is still defenceable (it's a word, look it up) and I think quite reasonable) and invested the better part of the morning trying to track one down. Alas, now I'm in it this deep, and I am a much poorer person for it, as I am incredibly frustrated about making no progress.

Here, chronologically, are the most frustrating moments of my Wii hunt so far.

1. Believing there to be none available, and also expecting the next availability to be on the 29th when Best Buy and Future Shop received shipments, on the 27th I made no efforts to track down a Wii. Only at 3:30PM did I see a post on the Wii/PS3 availability forum I've been tracking saying that Toys 'R' Us, Walmart, and Zellers had all received shipments that day. By this time, of course, it was too late. This missed opportunity gave me the taste for blood, so to speak, and I doubled and redoubled my Wii efforts.



2. Believing that Zellers, Walmart, and Toys 'R' Us were not going to get any in for at least a week, and knowing that Future Shop and Best Buy were going to have them on the 29th, I aimed to get there first thing in the morning. On the evening of the 28th, I saw two people camping outside Best Buy, so I decided to try my luck with one of the seemingly random shipments that Future Shop might receive. I got there at 9AM, only to be told that there were none. I moseyed over to EB, having also heard rumours of shipments coming in that day, and was 4th in line, waited for the better part of an hour before they opened, before we were all told -- by a very close childhood friend who manages the store, no less -- that they didn't have any. He also explained to me that post-Christmas, Nintendo was doing their own shipping rather than delivering them via courier, and that shipments could go to any vendor at any time. As a result, availability is completely random. I decided that it wasn't worth waiting around all day for that kind of thing, so I made one last look at Superstore and went home.



3. Later, Divyesh told me that while I was waiting in the mall, Toys 'R' Us got a shipment. This meant that Toys 'R' Us got two shipments in three days while EB got zero. I realized then that they weren't kidding when they said "completely random".



4. Realizing that this was no more than folly, I did something else for a couple of hours. When I came back to check my e-mail, I found out that about 5 minutes after I started doing that something else, 100 Wiis became available on futureshop.ca. (They were gone.)



5. Then, Jowen's friend, who doesn't want it as much as I do, managed to track one down in Vancouver, in the middle of the morning. I was nonplussed.



6. Then, today I found out that the Future Shop that I got to before it opened at 9AM got a shipment of 30 Wiis at 2PM.

Perhaps the most frustrating thing is that I'm frustrated. I promised myself that I was above this, and that no piece of consumer electronics was worth this kind of hassle. In my defence, I had heard that Wiis wouldn't be readily in stock until late January, by which time I'd be in school, and I would really have liked to have one for the next two weeks of my holiday. Now, though, it seems like there will be many more available next week, making this whole search even stupider.

I wonder if the reason they aren't more available by now is because too many people were throwing their controllers and breaking the wrist strap (along with furniture), so Nintendo had to halt the production until all the old wrist straps were replaced with the newer ones which are built to withstand being thrown by idiots.

I need to stop thinking about this for a few days. Also, if you see me, please do not say "Future Shop", "Best Buy", "Toys 'R' Us", or "Wii", thanks in advance.

(Thanks too to Galen and Vince for the tips. Despite the futility of my search, your help is appreciated.)

Current Music: Steely Dan - Do It Again

Good niiws and bad niiws

First the bad news: I didn't get a Nintendo Wii for Christmas.

The good news: I got the money to buy a Wii for Christmas. Now there's no debate about whether or not I should buy a Wii -- no, my parents told me to buy one, so I have to.

Bad news: Of course, they're completely unavailable, otherwise I'd already have one.

Good news: You can help me.

Since it's in everyone's best interest for me to get a Nintendo Wii sooner rather than later, I ask for your help in tracking one down for me. This site and this site seem to have all the hot Wii tips, and here's Future Shop and Best Buy too. If you see one available in the Lower Mainland, let me know via e-mail, IM, or phone. I'll be on it like a fat man on a donut.

Oh, and Merry Christmas.

Current Music: Jeff Tweedy - How To Fight Loneliness

'Tis the season

It's that time of year again. Here is one of my favourite Christmas carols, to celebrate.

Justin Timberlake is the new Alec Baldwin

Last night's episode of Saturday Night Live destroyed me: Justin Timberlake was great as the host and musical performer. I hope that he'll become a Christopher Walken/Alec Baldwin/Steve Martin, a once-a-season host for SNL.

Because of his undeniable talent as a singer and dancer, he has amazing comedic range. This sketch killed me:

There's even a nutshot!

But this was the pièce de résistance -- one for the ages. (There's an official "uncensored" version on YouTube put up by NBC themselves, but I am posting this one because I feel it's funnier with the bleeps. Even so, I wouldn't watch it at work.)
(EDIT (12:14AM Dec. 22/06): The censored version got pulled by NBC so here's the uncensored version.)

Backstage at the CMAs!

As an aside, am I the only person who loves the new season of SNL? Unlike many (most?) people, I am a big fan of the Tina Fey years, especially the last couple where I felt that the show took a big step away from energy-over-wit (cf. the Spartans and Mary Katherine Gallagher), and took a step towards good, old-fashioned, dirty jokes (like Colonel Angus), the absurd (who could forget More Cowbell), and nerd humour (eg. Lazy Sunday). Seth Meyers as the head writer and the rest of the writing staff have continued down that path, and the style is now closer to what I think of as contemporary internet humour, which as we all know I am a big fan of. Trimming the cast appears to have been a good decision: by cutting three players and not adding any new ones, everyone in the cast gets more of a chance to perform, and that's a good thing, because by and large the cast is a much more polished and versatile one than they've had since I've been watching.

Current Music: Justin Timberlake - What Goes Around

EDIT (10:39AM 18/12/2006): Corrected some poorly-worded sentences

Note to self

Today is Cameron's birthday.

Current Music: Steely Dan - Haitian Divorce

The saddest song

Steve just told me about a study that showed that "The Drugs Don't Work" by the Verve is the saddest song ever. I have only ever known one song to be able to reduce me to tears, and that isn't it.

This is.


Current Music: Golden Smog - Please Tell My Brother

I would do anything for smooth music

I've been watching a tonne of Yacht Rock lately; the cheerful misadventures of Michael McDonald and Kenny Loggins just crack me up so much. I've definitely been watching too much: as one commenter on YouTube said, you know you've watched too much when Donald Fagen becomes comprehensible. Watching these also got a lot of smooth music stuck in my head: for the first time in my life, I contemplated buying a Doobie Brothers album. Then I listened to some of their stuff, as well as Michael McDonald's solo stuff, on YouTube, and I decided against it.

However, I am fascinated by Steely Dan. I've had "Do It Again" stuck in my head for days now. I feel like this is the real smooth that I was looking for. Like butter. Butter.

But this is getting away from Yacht Rock, which rules. Here's my favourite episode.



And here's the Steely Dan vs. The Eagles episode, for good measure.

Weird ideas about what it means to be a man

A few weeks back at the department party I was playing darts. I was playing with two people who I knew, as well as a couple that I didn't; guests of department members and such. None of us play darts, of course, but one of us knew the rules to a simple game, so we played that.

Of course, this was at a pub, so writing our scores up on the board was harder than it should have been. I certainly took my sweet time adding 31 to 174, and others did too; I'll give them the benefit of the doubt and say it was the liquor.

One guy, though, consistently made mistakes adding his score up, and funny enough he always erred on the higher side. It wasn't even like he was making mistakes like forgetting to carry the 2 or something, no; at some point I think he was off by 22. I thought to myself, "Is this guy cheating at darts? Is this guy really cheating at darts at a statistics department party?"

I couldn't stop thinking about this. I desperately wanted to believe that he wasn't cheating at darts. I took a step back, said that he just sucked really hard at addition. No one would cheat at darts at a stats party, would they? No, they wouldn't. That would be a really petty, and frighteningly competitive, thing to do. Hey, maybe he was drunk and couldn't work the addition part of his brain. But I couldn't convince myself. "This guy is cheating at darts!" I said to myself, "I can't believe it!"

I didn't call him out though. I decided that while it takes a... uh... special kind of person to cheat at darts at a statistics party while playing with four other beginners, it's even lower to call out a dude for cheating at darts at a statistics party while playing with four beginners.

Current Music: Marvin Gaye - Let's Get It On
Current Achewood: The Toyota Tailgate Phenomenon

Music snobbery

After hearing Stephen Colbert use the word "prog" to describe the Decemberists, and reading Rachel's friends bitching about the prog direction the new Decemberists album has taken, I checked it out. Prog rock from the Decemberists? Fascinating!

Now I've heard it. While I see where they are coming from and why they might find it to be a bit prog, I still believe that these people have probably never listened to Rush.

Current Music: The Decemberists - When The War Came

Thought of the day

If there is one thing I learned from Tom & Jerry cartoons as a child, it was from the episodes with the lesser-seen and probably unnamed dog. The dog would appear early on in the episode, probably having been roused from a midday nap by Tom chasing Jerry all over the house and adjoining yard. Then he would reappear just as Tom had caught Jerry to start chasing Tom around, thus saving Jerry from death by being eaten by Tom. Jerry would often end the episode by high-fiving the dog.

This taught me that "the enemy of my enemy is my friend", which is a remarkably nuanced and cynical life lesson to be soaking in when you're four years old, but so much the better.

If there are two things I learned from Tom & Jerry cartoons as a child, the second would be that being at the top of the food chain kicks ass.

Current Music: Marvin Gaye - Mercy Mercy Me (The Ecology)

My talented friends

My old buddy Ray has become a YouTube Director. Join me in celebrating by watching this video of his.

Note to self

It's Jim's birthday today.

I'll spank you without pants

I have my doubts about its authenticity, but it's a good laugh anyway: ACTUAL ENGLISH SUBTITLES USED IN FILMS MADE IN HONG KONG

#12 is very similar to my current catchphrase, "that fucking guy".

Current Music: Marvin Gaye - Let's Get It On

What's Wang This Week

I have no more assignments due this semester. Actually I haven't had any to work on for two weeks now. It's a good feeling. Now all I have to do is my own reading/research and getting ready for the qualifying exams next semester.

Gourd shot! (A record of how much better Adam is than me at squash)

Also nice is that Adam's persistent back strain has caused him to miss the last two weeks' squash engagements, thus leading him to forfeit all 16 matches we otherwise would have played, and for the first time Richie pulls into the lead:

Adam 24, Richard 32

Also nice: I had a very musical weekend. I had an audition with a band I found on Craigslist looking for a bass player. The audition went well, I thought, and they seemed happy with how I played. I don't think I'll get in though, as they want to practice three times a week. Three! Who has time for three practices a week? Then UC Jazz had its fall concerts, so there's that done for the semester too.

Not so nice: I spent most of Friday evening playing Tetris. In my defence, I was bone tired and probably coming down with something. It was only during my fourth game that it hit me that this was kind of a sad way to spend a Friday evening. But then it also hit me that it's only sad if you're not really really good at Tetris. Fortunately for me, I am.

Even less nice: despite leading in the first few ballots, Jim Dinning was overtaken on the final ballot by Ed Stelmach in the race for leadership of the Alberta Progressive Conservative party. Dinning had served in the cabinet of former Premier Ralph Klein for over a decade, and had been the favourite to become Alberta's 13th Premier. In the end, though, he lost to Stelmach, who has never lost an election in Alberta. This is sad for me, not because I have much of a vested interest in Albertan provincial politics, but because it would have given me (and all of my Jim Dinning's friends) years -- years -- of material. It would have been great. I would have become so aware about what was happening in Edmonton, Calgary, and Medicine Hat. I would have known about the budget, and about social issues. It was going to be a new me: one who is politically aware... of a region in which I've never lived. And now those hopes are dashed. Alas.

It's a nice feeling, having spare time again. I forgot what it was like.

I'm bored already.

I need a Nintendo Wii.

What is it about Facebook that makes it so addictive? By and large me and my friends at UBC are just a little too old to have been swept up by it, but in Berkeley everyone and his brother is on it, and already has 130 friends. I resisted joining for a long time, but now that I'm in I just can't stop, and I really want to have every single person I know on my Facebook. This is partially because it's a nice way to keep in touch, but also because I only have 49 friends and that's way sub-par. I am aware that that's pretty terrible, but I've decided to just run with it.

On top of that, it's way too easy to spend all day reading about your friends, and then your friends' friends, and then looking at your friends' friends' pictures, particularly the hot ones. Moreover, it allows you to look up people you know only peripherally, and not in a good way. I am cognizant of the fact that this is more than a little creepy, but I've decided to just run with that too.

I suppose the reason it's so addictive, as are MySpace and whatever other social networking site you may use, is because the human animal is by nature an invasive and vain creature who wants to have personal information about his or her peers available at all times, while simultaneously hoping that someone is scoping his or her own. That's a nice thought. In any case, I am grateful that at least they don't blare music at you like fucking MySpace. Fucking MySpace.

Speaking of blaring music at you, I've decided to add Marvin Gaye's "Let's Get It On" to my repertoire of karaoke standards. This is difficult as I basically have no soul. (I mean, I have a soul, at least I hope I have a soul, but I don't have soul.) It is made even more difficult by the fact that none of the karaoke places I've ever been to have it.

Huh huh huh... you said (Words that are guaranteed to make me chuckle)

Soul. Go on, just stare at it for a few minutes. I think it probably helps if you slept fewer than 6 hours last night and don't drink coffee.

But getting back to "Let's Get It On", why is it that all karaoke places have "Sexual Healing", but not "Let's Get It On"? "Sexual Healing" is for pussies. "Let's Get It On" is such an obviously superior song to "Sexual Healing".

On that note, here's Jack Black, singing "Let's Get It On".



Current Music: Jack Black - Let's Get It On

Two years of I,DW

Today my blog celebrates its second anniversary. I think the most appropriate way to commemorate it is to note that there is a better-than-60% chance that my relationship with my blog will be the longest relationship of my life. This is not a comment on my patheticness and/or loneliness, it's just possible.

As an aside, this also means that it's more likely that I will one day be fired because of this blog than because of a woman.

Patent pending

I have decided, with universal support from my friends (except maybe Shankar, who is vegetarian), that next year's American Thanksgiving weekend party will opt on the side of more meat, rather than less. The natural choice for the main course, then, is turducken, everyone's favourite mockery of the food chain. Unfortunately, I've found that turduckens cost something like $80 on the internet¹. Well fuck that; I'll just have to make my own.

Another plan that has received support (but probably not from Dave, who is Jewish) is to wrap the turducken with bacon. I may have mentioned this to you before, but Adam's friend has a theory that no food is not enhanced by the addition of bacon and/or chocolate. Turducken must be amazing -- how could it not be, really -- but bacoturducken must be like a full-on orgasm with every bite!

So I am proud to announce (now, so that if anyone steals my idea I'll have demonstrable prior art) that next year's American Thanksgiving Weekend dinner party will be the Bacon and/or Chocolate Experiment of '07. Guests must bring dishes containing bacon and/or chocolate, which ordinarily do not contain either. For the vegetarians, soy bacon; for the Jews, turkey bacon. For everyone, chocolate. Try -- I defy you, try -- to make something taste worse than it would without bacon and/or chocolate. (However you must not intentionally ruin any dish by putting in the incorrect one of bacon or chocolate; for example, bacon ice cream or chocolate omelets will not be welcomed.) The centrepiece shall be a bacon and chocolate fondue. It remains to be decided if this will consist of chunks of bacon that will be dipped in chocolate sauce, or hunks of chocolate that will be deep-fried at the table in bacon fat, or both.

The Bacon and/or Chocolate Experiment of '07: Bite me if this isn't better with bacon and/or chocolate!

1. Ordinarily I am reticent to buy food online because I feel that it's a slippery slope which can only end in buying raw meat online, which is exactly what buying a turducken online would be. However I would readily make an exception in this case because I feel that it's really part and parcel with the turducken experience.

The Great Tofurkey Binge of '06 Video Roundup

I've edited together some videos from the Great Tofurkey Binge of '06 and put together a special LUGsWang: see it here. You should watch it. Especially you, Théa.

Tofurkey, with an e

Having eaten Tofurky, Un-Turkey, and a tofurkey of my own construction, I am beginning to doubt whether or not I wish my statue to be built out of tofurkey.

On the other hand, if it were, that would keep a few people from eating it.

Current Music: Sloan - I've Gotta Try

Friday Friday Friday

This weekend is the weekend of November 23, and you know what that means:

It's time for the Great Tofurkey Binge of '06!

Gather your friends and loved ones around the soy and seitan and dig in. I'll be having my Binge on Friday; by all means have yours any of Thursday, Friday, Saturday, or Sunday. My plan is to both build a tofurkey as well as cook a Tofurky. Mmm mmm, protein.

Someone today was incredulous today that I would have it on Friday and not Thursday, because Americans apparently are pretty firm on eating their Thanksgiving dinner on Thursday. I did think about it, and almost changed the date, but then I realized: this isn't Thanksgiving, dammit, this is the Great Tofurkey Binge of '06.

(Also, this allows any Americans out there to celebrate both!)

If anyone would like to participate in this exciting new tradition, please do take some pictures of your tofurkey and send them to me. Anyone? Anyone?

The Great Tofurkey Binge of '06: It's soy good!

Current Music: Tom Waits - Rain Dogs

What's Wang This Week

Again, no time. Instead, here are small updates:

Huh huh huh... you said (Words that are guaranteed to make me chuckle)

Turbidity

Fun fact: this is also a perk of not being in Vancouver right now. Brushing your teeth with bottled water? Lame.

Gourd shot! (A record of how much better Adam is than me at squash)

In a stunning turnaround, today Adam was forced to skip out of squash due to work and prior plans. I can only take this as a forfeit of the 8 games we otherwise would have played, and so the tally now stands at

Adam 24, Richard 16

Dag, America

I got a summons for jury duty today. My original thought was, "What, don't they keep track of who's a citizen and who isn't?" My second thought was "Oh shit, does that not matter?" My third thought was "Oh fuck, I'm supposed to fly home soon after this summons, can I get out of it on account of travel plans?" Then I read the form and found out that my first thought was the most relevant: I'm "not qualified" on account of not being a citizen of the US. Oh Canada!

(Note to self: commit a felony so that I don't have to do jury duty in Canada either. Maybe something noble so that I can help the needy or something, while also having an interesting story to tell women so as to appear dangerous. Alternative: be elected to public office and be found guilty of malfeasance.)

While that was irksome, what really gets me about it is that now I have to fill out a short form and mail it back to the court, and the reply envelope they provided isn't even postage paid. I have to tell them I can't do it, and I have to pay to do it. And that's just gauche. Dag, America.

Current Music: Tom Waits - Franks Wild Years

Political humor (note the lack of "u")

Now that the election is really over, I can say this without jinxing it:

The 2006-08 United States Senate: the house that Macaca built.

Current Music: Super Furry Animals - (Drawing) Rings Around The World

In conversation with Dickolas (Non-random quotes from today, provided with context)

me:

[coughs]

Daniel:

Gesundheit.

me:

Thanks... but it was a cough.

Daniel:

Huh?

me:

A cough.

Daniel:

Don't you say gesundheit when someone coughs?

me:

Nope, you say it when someone sneezes.

Daniel:

So a sneeze is different from a cough in your books then? You view them as separate entities?

me:

Uh... yeah.

Daniel:

Then what do you say when someone coughs?

me:

Um... "Cover your mouth"?

Current Music: Elvis Costello - Man Out Of Time

Full House(s of Congress)

I am a Canadian who would prefer to not talk about American politics for fear of exposing his own ignorance. Nonetheless, I want to express how glad I am that the mid-term elections are over so that the United States government can now forget about the two-party dog-and-pony show they have to pull out every two years and get back to what they do best: being controlled by the Freemasons.

Current mysterious society: the Shriners

And the first one said to the second one there, "I hope you're having fun"

I didn't sleep well last night, it's too hot in my office, my throat is a little sore, my nose is running, my ears won't pop from the trip down the hill, and I have "Band on the Run" stuck in my head.

Fucking Mondays.

Current Music: The Arcade Fire - In The Back Seat

Eastmost peninsula is the secret

Just in case you haven't figured out what that was yet,



Giggedy giggedy gig-gig-gig-giggedy giggedy giggedy giggedy g-g-g-giggedy goo!

Thanks to Vince for the link.

Note to self

It's Regan's birthday.

Rare wit

The headline on Canucks.com after last night's 3-2 shootout win against the Washington Capitals:

CANUCKS POP CAPS

Canucks.com, colour me impressed!

A little digging finds that this game's recap was written by one Jeremy Lanaway; reading the recap shows that not only does he come up with snappier headlines than the regrettable Kevin Kinghorn, he also writes much better recaps. Thank you, Jeremy Lanaway.

Note to self

It's mom's birthday.

The face of the UC Berkeley Statistics Department

Go to http://www.stat.berkeley.edu/ and keep hitting reload. You'll know what you're looking for when you see it.

Good times.

EDIT (4:15PM, October 25, 2006): They fixed it, which is good for the department but bad for me. Previously, the photos cycled through this album.

I take pleasure in your discomfort

Those of you who know me know that I really miss my nephew. I certainly wasn't happy to see him go back to France, and I keep pictures of him around at almost all times. The thing about the pictures though is that they only ever capture him in moments of relative happiness. They're always pictures of someone holding him while the whole family is out on a trip, say, or of him playing with a toy or with a grandparent. There were never pictures of the other times.

In particular, I think my favourite thing was watching him get dressed, because he hated that and would start crying and kicking. Also, I really liked to get in his face, because then he'd look away, and then I'd move back in front of his face, and he'd look away again, and so on and so on until he started crying. I also enjoyed hearing him crying while he was in his crib, which he'd always do until he ran out of energy, then he'd start with the weird constipated sounds until he fell asleep.

Now that I think about it, I enjoyed it when he wasn't enjoying it. I'm a bad uncle.

Current Music: Sloan - Everybody Wants You

Addendum (10:35AM, Oct. 25, 2006): He also used to try and chew on his teether toys, but being under 6 months old, if he was holding them the wrong way they wouldn't be oriented correctly to go into his mouth, and he couldn't turn them around in his hand, so instead he would just shake the whole thing and then try again, hoping that it had shaken into the correct orientation. Most of the time, it wouldn't, and he'd cry. Good times. Now he can just turn them around, so those days are gone forever.

Apparently I seem like a chump

I tried to sell my extra iBook battery on Craigslist and I got a very quick response. I was happy about it, but I quickly started to suspect that I was talking to a bot. Finally he agreed to pay me $110 + $3 for shipping materials, and to send me a USPS money order along with a prepaid UPS shipping label.

Then I got this:

From: unitedstatespostal_order@post.com
To: xxxxx
Date: Wed, 18 Oct 2006 12:21:01 -0500
Subject: Order Approved

USPS MONEY ORDER  APPROVED USPS Money Order of $110.00 sent by [dirty scammer] to Richard Liang has been successflly processed and has consequently been approved.

Dear  Richard Liang,

Congratulations! The order placed by the buyer of your item: [dirty scammer] to have a United States Postal Service branded Money Order SM $110.00 (USD) sent to you as payment for the item: 12" iBook G4 Li-Ion battery . Payment has been successfully processed and has consequently been APPROVED. The financial details of the transaction are stated below:
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
*FINANCIAL DETAILS*
(NOTE: All amounts are in USD)
-----------------------------
Item Site         : www.craigslist.com
Item Description : 12" iBook G4 Li-Ion battery

Total  : $110.00
-----------------------------

The Money OrderSM will be delivered to your contact information below, Please verify that the name and address (As entered by the buyer) are correct: 

 

 


Name             :    Richard Liang
Address         :    xxxxx
City                :    xxxxx
State              :    XX
Zipcode          :    xxxxx
Country         :    xxxxx
Email             :    xxxxx


 

If there is an error in the name or address, Please email our representative at  unitedstatespostal_rep@consultant.com

 

The order has been APPROVED, you CAN NOW ship the merchandise to the buyer's shipping address. You are expected to make the shipment within 48 hours of recieving this Payment Confirmation Notification and get to our Costumer/Technical Dept. with the tracking number for Shipment Verification.

The Money Order SM will NOT be dispatched or get to your resident until the shipment has been verified. This measure is taken in order to protect both seller and buyer's interests and to reduce the occurrence of fraudulent activities.

Due to the fact that United States Postal Service processes thousands of orders daily, United States Postal Service RECOMMENDS contacting the Customer Support Representative that has been assigned to this particular Order directly. This ensures speedy verification of shipment as well as prompt dispatch of Money Order SM. Send shipment tracking details to : unitedstatespostal_rep@consultant.com

Postal Money Orders are safe to use because they have many security features that help distinguish between real and counterfeit notes. Just like our own U.S. currency, they are specially designed with different colored inks, watermarks, and security thread in the paper tip envelop

Hold the money order up to the light and look for the following security features:

	Ben Franklin images (watermarks) repeated on the left side (top to bottom).
	A dark security thread running (top to bottom) to the right of the Franklin watermark, with the tiny letters “USPS” facing backward and forward

      Also below is the sample of the money order that will be delivered to you after we have receive the shipment tracking number from you.

       If we do not hear from you as soon as expected the payment will be returned back to the buyer. We will be  awaiting  you to ship the item and mail us the shipment tracking number so that we can send out your payment.With this no buyer can stop payment with a false claim that there is no longer any transaction between the two of you after you might have shipped the items.We are your mediator,we stand between both the buyer and the seller because we have our name to protect.
    
     Thank you for using Postal Money Order Payments® ExpressPayment SM. We look forward serving your Online Money Order Payments® needs in future.

                                                                      "Domestic Money Orders"

*Purchase with cash, debit card, or traveler's check
*Valid for an unlimited period
* Can be cashed at any Post Office or can be deposited or negotiated at your financial institution
*Replace damaged, lost, or stolen money orders.
 
Thank you for using postal money order. We look forward to serving your online
 payment needs in the future.

HERE IS THE PRINTER-FRIENDLY VERSION WHICH YOU CAN PRINT OUT

 Printer-Friendly Version

Order Status And Informations:

Order Number:	44485295697
Payments Order Status:	AVAILABLE
Order Placed	17th Oct 2006
Order Status	Money order Available
Money Order Approved	Money Order  Confirmed
Billing Information:
Status:	Processed successfully
Name on Account	[dirty scammer]
Account number	*****************
Services Purchased:	USPS Money Order
Payment for Item	$110.00
	CASH DELIVERY
Purchased Item Information:
Auction site	www.craigslist.com
Item Description	12" iBook G4 Li-Ion battery
Number of Item	N/L
Seller Information:
Name	Richard Liang
Street address	xxxxx
City, State, Zip	xxxxx
Country	xxxxx
Phone Number	N/L
Email	xxxxx

 

We required a proper verification for shipment, before mailing the reference number slip of money order.

 

Thank you for using United State Postal Money Order Payments copyright®.  We look forward to serving your online auction payment needs in the future.

 

Sincerely,
United State Postal Money Order Payments copyright®

 

 

 

--

Firstly, note that this isn't for $113, it's for $110.

Secondly, note that it requires me to ship the product within 48 hours... when I didn't even have the shipping address.

Thirdly, "United State Postal Money Order Payments copyright®". Right.

Fourthly, there's an ad at the bottom of the page.

If you wanna scam Dickolas, you're gonna have to do better than that.

Suck it, Nicholas Wang

My PageRank is now 4/10.

I'm coming for you, Nicholas. Or did I mean Dickolas?

Pimp my jazz ensemble

Tomorrow, UC Jazz Intermediate Combo II rocks Sproul Plaza at 12PM. We'll start playing right when the carillon plays its noon concert, which is good for me, because I hate the fucking carillon¹. I may even play a solo.

If you will be on campus, drop by or I'll kick you in the balls.

1. Actually, I really love the carillon, but I'm gonna love drowning it out even more.

New shoes

My old sneakers bit the dust; I blew holes in the pinky-toe sides of both shoes, presumably from my explosive lateral movement playing squash. I finally got around to replacing them this weekend, but I couldn't find a nice-fitting pair in any colour but white.

The thing about new, bright white sneakers is, you can't wear them without feeling like a moron. Picture it in your head; you'll see.

What's Wang This Month

So I'm real busy lately and so I haven't updated in two weeks. Sue me.

I'm still busy and now it's late and I'm tired so it'll have to wait even longer. Instead, here are a few things that I think would be unsustainable as recurring features but that I wish I could sustain and thus will give them names, and also that I can write down real fast.

Heeeeey brother (Best recent use by me of an Arrested Development joke)

I like [36" pants] because they give me room to expand after a big meal. Plus, 34" pants would generally fit tighter, and I don't think they would effectively hide my thunder.

I was right (Things I say are supported by independent third parties)

Sloan's Between the Bridges, long a Dickolas favourite, is the first album inducted into the Onion A.V. Club's Hall of Fame.

Huh huh huh... you said (Words that are guaranteed to make me chuckle

Mandingo

It can't possibly be worth it (Things that are so big that you get free things when you eat the whole thing, and what I received upon eating it)

The Banana Special at Fenton's Creamery in Oakland; upon eating the whole 3 pounds of ice cream plus banana and whipped cream in under 20 minutes, you receive a free t-shirt. Picture to follow after I finish soaking it in vinegar to seal in the colours and wash it.

Gourd shot! (A record of how much better Adam is than me at squash)

Adam 16, Richard 4

Current Music: Sloan - It's In Your Eyes

Random quotes from my past, provided without context #38

Do you know how many times I've heard you say "So they're getting into it, right?" in the last week?

And the answer is, not nearly enough.

-- Adam Pauls

Current Music: Sloan - Last Time In Love

The Great Tofurkey Binge of '06

It occurred to me a while ago that 2006 is quickly passing me by, and I still have not followed through on my promise to Binge Greatly on Tofurkey. In my defence, I wrote that almost two full years ago, and 2006 seemed like it was waaaaaaaay off in the distance. It was '04, I was young, dumb, kind, and in love, and two years seemed like an eternity.

Time flies, and now I'm in my mid-twenties (aside: HOLY SHIT), slightly less dumb, mean, and bitter, and I'm three months away from being a liar as well. I had thought it would be funny to do it this year for Canadian Thanksgiving, but now I have plans to actually cook a real turkey for that. That doesn't leave that much occasion to somehow consume a tofurkey, as my weekdays are busy and I'm lucky if I have the energy to heat up a TV dinner. It looked like I would merely have to chalk this one as one of the Great Ideas I Never Followed Up On, until I realized that I don't have any plans for American Thanksgiving yet.

So I invite everyone to join me in person or in your own home on the weekend of November 23, in the Great Tofurkey Binge of '06. Buy a Tofurky or carve your own out of firm tofu -- perhaps a little eggwash so that it browns up nice and evenly in the oven -- and then lay your teeth into that succulent, succulent complete protein. Perhaps you can make a soy event out of it: open the meal with edamame; finish with silken tofu pudding; wash the whole kaboodle down with soy milk. Then rest your painful, gout-stricken joints on a couch with friends, family, and otherwise loved ones.

The Great Tofurkey Binge of '06: It's soy good!¹

Current Music: Rufus Wainwright - Want Two

1. I stole that from Théa. Sue me.

Truly action packed

I don't need to tell you how excited I am about Sloan's new album. Unfortunately I haven't got it yet as it doesn't come out in the US until Tuesday, and I'm not even clear on whether or not the local music stores will have it. I know I've been a critic of their last album, Action Pact, and so you might think I would be very down about their newest, Never Hear The End Of It. But I want to believe. Oh, how I want to believe.

Fortunately, I stumbled on some videos of Sloan recording this album on YouTube just now and I am pleased as punch with the bits that I am hearing. I particularly enjoyed this one.



It's so true.

Current Music: Sloan - False Alarm
Current Asbestos Concern quote: "I've learned that whenever you bring something up more than once, it's because you don't like it." -- Eric Severinson

When you wake up feeling old

Instructor:

That's part of the reason Duke was so huge, you know, because he had this guy writing half of his stuff.

me:

Like the other dude from Wham!

class:

[silence]

me:

... nothing? Nothing?

class:

[more silence]

me:

[moment of realization dawning] Waitaminute, are you all too young to remember Wham?

class:

[some laughing, nodding]

me:

[buries head in hands] Oh my God.

Talk Like A Pirate Day

Six years ago, Guillaume de Frontenac le XVIII, Lightnin' Larry Powers, and two-time Ernst von Horlt award winner Leslie Pud came together in a studio for the first time. The results were dynamite -- within hours they had written and recorded the definitive single of their then-nascent band's career: "Jolly Roger". The song was a seminal work in the prog-shred genre; a testament to the transience of mortal existence, and the suffering that all living creatures must endure simply to call themselves alive. It was a stunning and timeless comment on humanity.

It was also about pirates.

In honour of Talk Like A Pirate Day, I play for you, salty sea-dogs and buxom wenches alike, "Jolly Roger" over at LUGs.com. You can watch it here.

Current Music: Egon Spengler - Jolly Roger (right click, save as)

Damn you, Vox DA5

Curse you, Vox DA5; who knew your believable and responsive amp models would make me crave the real thing even more?

You cheeky bitch.

Current Music: The Police - Roxanne
Current desire: Marshall JTM-45 Plexi & 4x12 cabinet
Current second desire: Blackface Fender Super Reverb
Current third desire: Vox AC30
Current need: probably $7000

What the hell is happening to me?

I marched into Rasputin Music today and came out with an instrumental album by a guitarist.

I hope I don't hate it.

Current Music: Jeff Beck - Wired

Pardon my zinger (Random quotes from the last three weeks, provided with some context)

Jane

It's good that you've come to pick up your ergonomic chair now. We've got a lot of chairs to get rid of.

me

Well, I've got a lot of ass.

Sebastién

[walking into office] You're a total morning person now!

me

It's 11:00.

Dave

That's it; I'm starting a line of thong diapers.

me

All I can think of is the cover of Dark Side of the Moon.

Adam

I was really looking forward to playing squash, and making up squash-related names for different shots. Butternut? Better not!

me

Gourd shot!

Hey, have you seen the new guitarist in UC Jazz's Intermediate Combo II?

He's hot.

The third noblest of the mouth-instruments

I received this e-mail tonight:

Dear Mr. Liang,

Hi! My name is Jennifer Chang and I am writing on behalf of Expanded Books (a broadband television production company) and Workman Publishing. I came across your blog while searching for sites related to humor, and I noticed your site's banner graphic. I was hoping that you'd be able to help us!

Workman recently published a book called "The Complete How to Kazoo", which is a book that, as expected, teaches readers how to play the kazoo. It is also part of a larger campaign to make the kazoo the national instrument of the United States! Really! This is an actual campaign, with thousands of backers writing letters to their congressmen in support of the cause.

I know this may be a little offbeat, but if this news is something your readers may be interested in, or if you find the campaign inspiring or (let's face it) even just amusing, we'd like to kindly ask you to include the link to the campaign video in your next update. Here it is!

http://www.expandedbooks.com/book.php?bookid=132

This video is currently airing on Yahoo!, MSN, Google, Youtube, iFilm, and Revver, and will likely be featured on network television news shows in the very near future.

I'm also attaching the official press release so you can learn more about the book and roots of the campaign.

Please let us know if you decide to post the link, and we'll express our personal thanks.

And in the meantime, our thanks to you for your consideration!

-Jennifer Chang
Associate Producer, Expanded Books
(www.expandedbooks.com)

I mean, I'm pretty sure it's not spam. A spammer would have to be pretty damn smart to build a bot that could look at banner photos and analyze them for the presence of kazoos. The website looks pretty legitimate, as does the press release. So I suppose that I am flattered, unless it does actually turn out to have been spam, in which case I am impressed by the spammer's 1337 skillz.

The campaign to make the kazoo the national instrument of America, though -- that's something I can really get behind. Devoted readers (of which I have more than Peter Lynn over at Man vs. Clown!, apparently, according to Dave and BlogLines, but that's neither here nor there) will know that I am a devotee of the kazoo. The kazoo was probably my second instrument, and I like to think it's probably my best instrument also, as I am a decidedly above-average kazoo player. I keep a kazoo -- and not a cheapo $1 plastic one, a $2 metal one with replaceable resonator -- in my jacket pocket at all times. Also, I'm not even American, and so the campaign to make it the national instrument of the US can't possibly hurt me at all; thus, I deem it worthy of my support.

So let it be known that the Internet's Foremost Dickolas Wang supports the campaign to make the kazoo the American national instrument. Sure, the book she mentions costs $11USD and teaches you something that people ought to be able to pick up at age 5 or just by reading the Wikipedia article¹. Sure, the kazoo is about as much a musical instrument as a distortion pedal is. Sure, I'm not even American. But I have a passion for the kazoo, and I want the world to know.

I felt it would be appropriate for the occasion to re-post some of my finest kazoo moments, both taken from my videoblog over at LUGs.com. Enjoy (again, or if you don't read LUGs.com, for the first time)!





1. While this is true, over the years I have fielded a surprisingly high number of questions about how you play the thing. You'd be astonished how many people have never figured it out. To be fair, the description of the book mentions lip positions, plural, as well as the "balalaika effect", none of which I have any idea about, so I could probably learn something from the book. Also, the usual instruction to "hum, not blow" is misleading; you need to hum and blow a little bit. Oops, I think I may have just spoiled the first chapter of the book.

Where have you been all my life, Vox DA5?

The last two weeks, I've been playing a lot of guitar. Most, or at least many of you, know that there are two main reasons for this. Number one, I am trying out for the UC Jazz ensembles this semester, and it looks like I will get into the intermediate combo I tried out for (I was the only guitar player there). Number two, I spent last weekend rolling out as many hott, creamy, fat, heavy, greasy, dirty, crunchy, and/or shimmering licks as possible in an effort to attract the attention of... certain people.

This is not a post about either of these things. Rather, this is a post on my new practice amp. As with all consumer electronics, the low-to-midrange electric guitar amp market has benefitted greatly in the last ten years due to embedded computer technology; specifically in this case by the advent of so-called "modelling amps", which emulate several very, very expensive amps. They'll probably never be perfect, but they're certainly pretty close considering the price. And now the modelling technology has trickled down all the way to little practice amps. The net result? Lots of good shit for the guitarist community that I don't care about. What I do care about is me, and what it has done for me is to make my guitar sound hell of hott, creamy, fat, heavy, greasy, dirty, crunchy, and shimmering, all for the low, low Labour Day price of $125.

I love you, Vox DA5.

Current Music: My Morning Jacket - It Still Moves

Set your calculator to "maths"

Thanks to Cameron for telling me about this.

I really hope OK Go is good

because I'm buying their album.



Current Music: OK Go - A Million Ways

Delayed Reaction: Portia

Back in second year, I went to visit my old friends from the girls' floor right below 3rd Hamber. All five of them, along with their new roommate, had all gone to a strip club the previous night, where they were treated to free drinks and lots of swag. Among the free stuff they got was a poster of one of the strippers, Portia, naked, which they gave to me. I rolled it up and held it loosely in my hand while we chatted, using it to scratch my head, tapping it against my head, and resting my chin on it. After about 40 minutes of letting me do this, their new roommate finally said, "You know that she rubbed that in her crotch before she threw it to us, right?"

Gross.

About a month ago a friend of my sister got married, and her stagette party was dinner, drinks, and pole dancing lessons. My sister told me later that Teri Hatcher made it famous, as she swears by it. I was later told that Matt's fiancée was also doing this for her stagette.

Weird.

A few weeks back Jowen, who is now employed by UBC and as such gets to take a couple of undergrad courses for free each year, tells me he's interested in Pole Dancing 101A. Being the unenlightened boor I am, I couldn't help but insult his manhood -- that is, until I looked at the course description and found that the instructor was a former exotic dancer who had performed internationally.

Intriguing.

So, I followed the link to the instructor's fitness studio, Tantra Fitness. I saw the pictures, I watched the video. I continued to insult Jowen's manhood. Then I read the bio:

Tammy Morris, also known as Portia...

I looked a little closer at the pictures, and compared them to what I could remember of the poster. (It's somewhere, I just don't know where exactly.) Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Whoa!

Small world, eh?

About 20 minutes ago, it got even smaller when I read this interview she did in Playboy. From the article:

In its August 12 issue, the National Enquirer broke the story that Affleck had gone to a strip club in Vancouver the night of the Dateline broadcast. That article, as well as the following two weeks' cover stories, claimed that Affleck got wild at Brandi's Exotic Nightclub and performed oral sex on a dancer at the club, and then gave oral sex to at least one other dancer later that night at the rented home of actor Christian Slater. On August 11's Tonight Show, Affleck confirmed to Jay Leno that he was at the club, but his attorney calls the Enquirer's claims "absolutely false." The Enquirer has countered, asking Affleck to take a lie detector test. The paper says the sources it used for its stories have already passed lie detector tests.

Since the controversy erupted, Tammy Morris, the stripper at the center of this celebrity storm, has been out of sight. The Enquirer's main source for its exposés, Morris claims she danced for Affleck at the club that night and that he performed oral sex on her later at Slater's house.

I immediately flashed back to my fourth year, when the same friends that gave me the poster telling me that they had heard that their stripper had broken up Bennifer I. My mind was blown.

Jowen, you should take the class.

Current Music: Peter Adams - The Spiral Eyes
Current pet peeve: spelling "whoa" "woah"

The joke is that the perceived disloyalty in my peers turns out to be my own

As you likely know I returned to Berkeley on Sunday night. After a delayed flight and a missed door-to-door shuttle, I arrived back in my apartment at about midnight. After a few hours spent unpacking, re-assembling my guitar (thanks to my dad for the ingenious idea of taking it apart and packing the parts separately in my suitcase -- why didn't I do this sooner?), and trying unsuccessfully to sleep, I awoke at 7AM for my 8:00 class. It does not kick ass to be me this summer.

In any case, as I came back I started to wonder why I had barely seen any of my friends from Berkeley online the whole summer. I felt a little bad about that, like maybe nobody loves me or my friends all suck. But then I realized that it's just because I completely forgot to use Skype at all this whole summer.

Oops.

Current Music: Wilco - I'm A Wheel

Bi-weekly Man vs. Clown! rip-off: WTF?

WTF?

WTF?

WTF?



WTF?



WTF?

Thanks Graham. By the way, Graham: WTF?

Current Music: Spoon - Small Stakes
Current way I'm ripping off Man vs. Clown!: WTF?!

Maturity

Google's quote of the day:

I know who I am. No one else knows who I am. If I was a giraffe, and someone said I was a snake, I'd think, no, actually I'm a giraffe.

-- Richard Gere

All I could think of was that it would have been so much funnier had he mentioned gerbils instead.

Current Music: Super Furry Animals - (Drawing) Rings Around The World

Free advertising

In the hustle-bustle of the last month, I totally forgot that Cracked Magazine has now relaunched and is on shelves now, featuring a comic co-written by one Peter Lynn of Man vs. Clown!.

Congratulations Peter on your official promotion from semi-professional internet humourist to humourist!

For a preview of the comic, click here, and for some other of his contributions to the Cracked.com cause, click here, here, and here.

Current Music: Ron Sexsmith - I Think We're Lost
Current Flash: Wally West... right?

Uncertainty

The big question for my first full day as a 24-and-one-month-year-old:

Should I wear socks today?

Current Music: Ron Sexsmith - Hands of Time
Current months without socks: 1

ping keepalive

I've been really busy for the last month because my sister, nephew, and brother-in-law took up a tonne of my time (and space in the house). On top of that, my DS Lite keeps me occupied as well. As such I haven't had that many idle moments to write. Now that they're all gone, I don't have the energy for it either. But in case you were worried, I am currently alive and well.

I am also currently very boring and so reading about my life would probably not entertain you. Instead of trying, I'll share some videos that have kept me entertained in my numb lethargy.







Enjoy.

Current Music: Ron Sexsmith - All In Good Time

In conversation with Dickolas (Random quotes from five minutes ago, provided without context)

me:

it looks like someone is preparing to paint Warhammer figurines

me:

only there's a man with girlie junk sitting in front of your equipment

Adam:

That was very apt.

me:

I know

Adam:

Disturbingly apt.

me:

I know

Adam:

Don't ever say that again.

me:

I like to think I'm a communicator

Current Music: Eisley - Lost At Sea

Seven chapters in

and Snakes on a Plane: A Novelization by Christa Faust is probably the worst book I've ever read.

Current Music: The Pixies - Vamos
Current inexplicable product placement in Snakes on a Plane: A Novelization by Christa Faust: Hitachi Magic Wand

Thought of the day

If Mario ate Toad, would he become Super Mario?



Current Music: Eisley - Room Noises
Current game: New Super Mario Bros.

Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills

I started playing a game of Endless Marathon at level 20 on Tetris DS at 2:30. Minus a few short pauses to burp babies, answer phones, and open doors, I played until two minutes ago, amassing 3750000 points and getting to level 135.

How am I still single?

What's Wang This Week

This little guy is What's Wang This Week. Little Thomas has really become the centre of our universe in the last week or so. Actually the week has felt like months, because it goes by in three-hour chunks: Thomas wakes up from a nap, Thomas plays a bit, someone feeds Thomas, someone burps Thomas, Thomas takes a nap. I find the little guy to be infinitely entertaining, and if you're wondering why I'll be talking to you on MSN and then disappear without warning for about 15-30 minutes, it's because I've gotten a chance to grab him away from my mother and feed, burp, or play with him. If you're wondering, the harness in the picture is a Jolly Jumper, a time-tested contraption which allows babies to hang suspended by a spring from a doorframe so that they can learn to jump and build their leg muscles. Every time Thomas gets in the thing, he looks at us as if to ask, "Why am I standing up? What's going on? Why are you doing this to me?"

I've become obsessed with getting him to smile at me. He unfailingly smiles for my mother and grandmother, but whenever he looks at me, he sort of blankly stares at me for about 2 seconds, then looks away. I don't think he likes me very much. I have become pretty good with burping him, though; I find that he will now stare at me and make a certain high-pitched bleating sound (think of R2D2 under duress) when he needs to be burped. I hope that somewhere deep down, while he may be utterly bored of me, he might have a certain respect for my presence. My sister says that he seems to associate me with eating now, anyway, and that's alright. One day, I'll take him to Memphis Blues.

Thomas is a very cute baby,

but he's also very very large for his age. Today we went to a barbecue and there were babies there that were 6 months old and one year old. Thomas is younger at only 4 and a half months, but he looked bigger than the one-year-old. The one-year-old was definitely sizing Thomas up, giving him the ol' up-down. I could see it in his eyes that he was thinking, "Yeah, I could take this kid." Well, kiddo, you better get your licks in now, 'cause when all is said and done Thomas is gonna be about two times your size, and he's gonna fuck you up. Bitch.

It was also my birthday last week. Ordinarily I don't mention my videoblogging, but I edited together some videos from my birthday dinner and put them up at LUGs.com. The reason I mention it is because this one took a fucking long time to edit together with the little video editing tool that came with my camera, and it saves me from spending even more time writing about my birthday dinner. I think I need to try out something like Cinelerra. Does anyone have experience with this?

My parents gave me a Nintendo DS Lite, which is pretty awesome. My first purchase? Tetris DS, of course. As you probably know, I am a bit of a Tetris nut (Tetrinut) and so I was a little worried that this new version, as with many new iterations of old premises, would be watered down and too easy. I am happy to report, though, that Tetris DS is fucking hard. You wouldn't believe how good the computer plays in the head-to-head competition mode. Sweet Jesus.



It's about this good.

My friends also got me some great stuff. Victor got me the novelization of Snakes on a Plane. ("One plane, hundreds of passengers, thousands of snakes -- what are the odds?" the tagline asks.) I'm afraid to read it lest I ruin the ending. One thing's for sure, though, they better get those snakes off the motherfuckin' plane! Graham and Caity got me Ron Sexsmith's newest album Time Being, which comes highly recommended, and a vinyl copy of my favourite XTC album, English Settlement. Balin got me a book called Flatterland ("like flatland, only more so" -- fuckin' eh). Ray got me a kite with a picture of one of the animated versions of Batman on it. A Batkite.

Which brings me to today, when Jowen and I attempted to fly the kite at Spanish Banks. It flew, but either the wind wasn't strong enough to keep it up, or we just suck too hard. We ran around in circles over and over trying to get it to stay up. Finally we decided the only possible way it would ever work would be if Jowen pulled it along while he biked. After a failed attempt where the kite only dragged along the ground, fell apart, and got chased by a dog, he got it going pretty damn good. Unfortunately, as he let the string out, he also swung a little too close to a tree, whereupon the kite got stuck in the tree and the string broke. We tried to throw a rock at it to get it out, but we were too afraid to hit people by accident. In the end I think both of us knew all along that the experience would likely end this way, and we left the kite in the tree, figuring it to be the most artful ending to our day.

Of course, if anyone happens to be at Spanish Banks West near the Anchor and sees a Batman kite in a tree, it's mine, and if you can get it out I would greatly appreciate its safe return.

My sister also brought me some nice food from France. Typically she'll bring me a jar of foie gras, and I am always too hesitant to eat it as I don't want to waste it. Then it expires. Well fuck that -- this time, I ate it right on the spot. (Well, not the whole thing, because that's just gluttonous.) She also brought me some nice chocolates, which all melted in the crazy heat.

Speaking of which, it's pretty fucking hot around here right now. Google Weather has been forecasting highs of about 33-35 degrees Celsius for Vancouver the last three days. Port Coquitlam, being inland from Vancouver, has actually observed highs of 30, 37, 35, and 33 degrees Celsius. (In Fahrenheit, that's toofuckinghot degrees.) As a result, the whole family sort of lies around on the floor of the only air-conditioned room in the house, the living room, near Thomas' makeshift bed (a towel and a couple of throw pillows), as if it's a carpeted tatami room. I feel so Asian.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life

The big plan for my first full day as a 24-year-old:

I'm not going to wear socks today.

D'you have to use so many cuss words?

The Big Lebowski: Fucking Short Version

You probably shouldn't watch this at work.

Inside the Blogger's Studio, with Peter Lynn

As you may have read, last week when I was in Toronto, I met Peter Lynn of Man vs. Clown!. This was a big deal for me, as I've only ever met one person in real life that I first knew from the internet, and that guy was a family friend of Vikram's, which doesn't count. He's already described what we did, and I vouch for his version of the events.

If that was really him, that is -- I never did demand to see ID. I'll just assume it was the real deal though.

What he didn't mention was that at the time I had barely any voice left, as I had been felled by a virus that went around the dorms at Cornell on my last day. Of course, he didn't know what my voice sounded like to begin with, so now he just thinks I sound like Bea Arthur after 40 years of smoking. Also, he might not have realized, but I drank my raspberry wheat ale (very tasty) perhaps too quickly and was having a little trouble walking straight to the bathroom.

He had an awesome t-shirt that said "The Dude Has Got No Mercy", which I later found out was an Achewood t-shirt. I was wearing my Homsar shirt too so it was like we had an internet humour theme for the night, which is appropriate for a meeting with a now-professional internet humourist. (Also, both our first names were -- well, are -- slang for dongs, which I'm not sure counts as a theme for the night but is still amusing.)

I was also expecting him to be kind of scary: the kind of guy who would, say, beat up a crippled kid. However, he was most affable, which warmed my heart just a little bit.

My one big regret, which only occurred to me the next day, was that I never did actually buy him a beer -- he paid his own tab. On the other hand, I suppose that makes it less of a man date. Next time, Peter. Next time.