Monday, June 27, 2005

Who killed da blooooog??!?!?!: In memoriam

By now you will have noticed that Da Blooooog!!!! (hereafter referred to as DB!!!!) has been deleted. Since Graham isn't able to properly eulogize this one, I want to say a few words because while this isn't the first time Vikram has committed blogicide, this time I'll truly miss it.

Sure, his first few blogs were alright. Every so often he'd grace us with an amazingly stupid link, every so often he'd make fun of one of us (Donning comes to mind), and every so often he'd teach us how to freeze our berries. At some point he even occupied the lofty #4 position on my links list. But since I didn't appreciate all the Dunning-bashing of his third blog nor his subsequent deletion of it, I lost patience and demoted him to the back of the line. But I should have waited -- I should have known that this one would have been worthy of reinstatement, because I knew this one would be different:

it had Jowen's seal of approval.

Be it his inaugural post, a tribute to ultimate fighting and getting herpes from Michael Vick, his unrealistic pursuit of a 32-inch neck (for those of you keeping score, that's approximately the circumference of his waist), and the insider social commentary of "Would I Like a Brownie? Why Yes, Yes I Would.", there was something for everyone in his first two months. Even some of his trademark making-fun-of-Dunning would show up in his back-to-back posts "Mike Dunning, Most Beloved Human Being on Earth" and "iPod." would appear, showing that the experience of Donning had not been lost. But there was also a newfound maturity, highlighted in his classic post "Sign I'm Getting Old/Less of a Booze Hound". This paean to the carefree innocence of not-so-innocent youth truly slightly moved me.

It was only in the last month, though, where DB!!!! really came into its own. His Shawshank Redemption post rang all too familiar for me, as I've been asked, incredulously, at least 4 times in the last year "YOU'VE NEVER SEEN THE GOONIES?!". There were even some mentions of the past that I'd suspected he'd forgotten, which brought back sweet sweet memories for me as I've known the man for 13 years.

The post that meant the most to me, though, was his (sort of) loving take on my own feature, WWTW. He kindly requested my permission before making fun of me, and consulted with me on the specifics. I feel we both learned something: I learned that I needed to cut down on my Sloan-listening; and he learned that you don't have to put a period after "w00t". Since it'll be gone forever, I feel the need to share with you, one more time, What's Wang This Week as told by Vikram.

Sunday: Today me and Adam re-enacted all of Napoleon Dynamite in my basement. Then I went online and chatted with babes. You’re all jealous.

Monday: Today was an Asian day. I put a spoiler on my Corolla, made use of my finest Hello Kitty stationery, and ate rice.

Tuesday: Today I peed 238 times. That’s pretty close to my record of 246.

Wednesday: I played Minesweeper Flags. A lot. I’m really fucking good. OK, back to Minesweeper Flags.

Thursday: Dear Diary, today I feel violent and horny, which is why I killed a man with my massive penis. I whipped it around above my head helicopter style and beat him with it until he stopped breathing. w00t

Friday: Today I slammed back two bottles of some cheap wine called Mission Hill Cabernet-Shiraz and explained complicated math theorems while handing everyone their asses at Tony Hawk. But seriously though, I love you guys.

Saturday: Today I went for dinner with Jowen, Victor, and Derek at Memphis Blues Barbeque House. We split their Cardiac Platter, which consists of a cow that you personally hunt down in the back and then have slow roasted for you over hickory. It’s exactly one half the size of their Are You Fucking Insane? There’s Only So Much Meat a Person Can Eat in One Sitting Platter. Jowen also had a side of beans.

Current Music: Sloan – The Other Man

I'm sorry, I get a little teary eyed just thinking about it.

After and around then there were some great moments, with him even bringing back one of my very favourite posts of all time, the post that assured me that it was normal to get erections. (At long last, I am vindicated.) I hoped, in my heart of hearts, that this meant that he was going to finally give in to his desire to blog and finally become one of us. Maybe we'd forge a new bond, in the fires of the internet. Maybe, just maybe, I could have something to share with him, and things would be like they used to be again. The two of us. Together. As a team.

I was wrong.

And so it is with a heavy heart that I bid adieu to DB!!!! and wish it a safe journey to Valhalla. I am, again, reminded of a quote I read third-hand in a Reader's Digest we keep in the bathroom at home and cannot remember fully: "Oh, how he wished he could ride with these men forever. But their path together was ending." DB!!!! made me laugh, it made me angry, and it made me love again.

Goodnight, sweet prince.

(In lieu of flowers, please leave a comment.)

Current Music: Blue Rodeo - Hasn't Hit Me Yet (live)
Current berries to freeze: straw
Current fear of erections: quelled
Current favourite dash: em-
Current time spent on this post: too long
Current mood: fat and sassy
Current favourite word for fat and sassy: logy


Dunning said...

"But since I didn't appreciate all the Dunning-bashing of his third blog nor his subsequent deletion of it, I lost patience and demoted him to the back of the line"

You and me both.

A Sheltered Town said...

I can't believe he actually did it. He's going to get a stern talking to.

Dickolas Wang said...

At this point it's like Kenny dying on South Park. He'll be back.

Anonymous said...

1) I am not the source of all evil in Dunning's life. In fact, I'd venture to say that for every time I half-heartedly mock him and am repeatedly told I'm a horrible person (which I do with everyone, because I am a jerk, and that is how I roll), there are six times that I have done something nice for him that will forever go on being ignored.

2) It won't seem like a such an unrealistic pursuit when I'm converting all of my shirts to cylinders with holes for arms. All I need is willpower and about three cycles of Vitamin S. Who wants to make donations?


Dickolas Wang said...

1) I'm not entirely sure 1:6 is that good a ratio at the best of times.

2) You can use the fabric from your pants that used to cradle your now-shrunken, shrunken genitals.

dinning said...

Dickolas --> Flying Bug (I hope you get the Calvin and Hobbes reference) --> oui

drop me a line

Anonymous said...

1 to 6 is pretty damn good, considering the scale of some of those nice things. Also, I'd like people to think of all the times they've said something about Dunning when he's not there which they were unwilling to say to his face and compare that to the number of times I have. You'll notice that the ratio there is a lot higher than 6 to 1.

Also, *fart*!


Dunning said...

well this is certainly helping my self esteem. Why do I even have friends?

Dickolas Wang said...

Can we all PLEASE focus on the task at hand here, and that is paying tribute to the deceased.

May we please observe a minute of blog silence.

Dickolas Wang said...

Thank you.

G said...

I feel like I should try to write up a "What's Wang This Week". But it'll never be as good as that one.