Pet Peeve (or, What's Wrong With Wang) #4

People breaking into my car.

'Nuff said.

Fuck.

Current Music: Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young - Woodstock

On a happier note

I'M GOING TO BE AN UNCLE SOON!

Who killed da blooooog??!?!?!: In memoriam

By now you will have noticed that Da Blooooog!!!! (hereafter referred to as DB!!!!) has been deleted. Since Graham isn't able to properly eulogize this one, I want to say a few words because while this isn't the first time Vikram has committed blogicide, this time I'll truly miss it.

Sure, his first few blogs were alright. Every so often he'd grace us with an amazingly stupid link, every so often he'd make fun of one of us (Donning comes to mind), and every so often he'd teach us how to freeze our berries. At some point he even occupied the lofty #4 position on my links list. But since I didn't appreciate all the Dunning-bashing of his third blog nor his subsequent deletion of it, I lost patience and demoted him to the back of the line. But I should have waited -- I should have known that this one would have been worthy of reinstatement, because I knew this one would be different:

it had Jowen's seal of approval.

Be it his inaugural post, a tribute to ultimate fighting and getting herpes from Michael Vick, his unrealistic pursuit of a 32-inch neck (for those of you keeping score, that's approximately the circumference of his waist), and the insider social commentary of "Would I Like a Brownie? Why Yes, Yes I Would.", there was something for everyone in his first two months. Even some of his trademark making-fun-of-Dunning would show up in his back-to-back posts "Mike Dunning, Most Beloved Human Being on Earth" and "iPod." would appear, showing that the experience of Donning had not been lost. But there was also a newfound maturity, highlighted in his classic post "Sign I'm Getting Old/Less of a Booze Hound". This paean to the carefree innocence of not-so-innocent youth truly slightly moved me.

It was only in the last month, though, where DB!!!! really came into its own. His Shawshank Redemption post rang all too familiar for me, as I've been asked, incredulously, at least 4 times in the last year "YOU'VE NEVER SEEN THE GOONIES?!". There were even some mentions of the past that I'd suspected he'd forgotten, which brought back sweet sweet memories for me as I've known the man for 13 years.

The post that meant the most to me, though, was his (sort of) loving take on my own feature, WWTW. He kindly requested my permission before making fun of me, and consulted with me on the specifics. I feel we both learned something: I learned that I needed to cut down on my Sloan-listening; and he learned that you don't have to put a period after "w00t". Since it'll be gone forever, I feel the need to share with you, one more time, What's Wang This Week as told by Vikram.

Sunday: Today me and Adam re-enacted all of Napoleon Dynamite in my basement. Then I went online and chatted with babes. You’re all jealous.

Monday: Today was an Asian day. I put a spoiler on my Corolla, made use of my finest Hello Kitty stationery, and ate rice.

Tuesday: Today I peed 238 times. That’s pretty close to my record of 246.

Wednesday: I played Minesweeper Flags. A lot. I’m really fucking good. OK, back to Minesweeper Flags.

Thursday: Dear Diary, today I feel violent and horny, which is why I killed a man with my massive penis. I whipped it around above my head helicopter style and beat him with it until he stopped breathing. w00t

Friday: Today I slammed back two bottles of some cheap wine called Mission Hill Cabernet-Shiraz and explained complicated math theorems while handing everyone their asses at Tony Hawk. But seriously though, I love you guys.

Saturday: Today I went for dinner with Jowen, Victor, and Derek at Memphis Blues Barbeque House. We split their Cardiac Platter, which consists of a cow that you personally hunt down in the back and then have slow roasted for you over hickory. It’s exactly one half the size of their Are You Fucking Insane? There’s Only So Much Meat a Person Can Eat in One Sitting Platter. Jowen also had a side of beans.

Current Music: Sloan – The Other Man

I'm sorry, I get a little teary eyed just thinking about it.

After and around then there were some great moments, with him even bringing back one of my very favourite posts of all time, the post that assured me that it was normal to get erections. (At long last, I am vindicated.) I hoped, in my heart of hearts, that this meant that he was going to finally give in to his desire to blog and finally become one of us. Maybe we'd forge a new bond, in the fires of the internet. Maybe, just maybe, I could have something to share with him, and things would be like they used to be again. The two of us. Together. As a team.

I was wrong.

And so it is with a heavy heart that I bid adieu to DB!!!! and wish it a safe journey to Valhalla. I am, again, reminded of a quote I read third-hand in a Reader's Digest we keep in the bathroom at home and cannot remember fully: "Oh, how he wished he could ride with these men forever. But their path together was ending." DB!!!! made me laugh, it made me angry, and it made me love again.

Goodnight, sweet prince.

(In lieu of flowers, please leave a comment.)

Current Music: Blue Rodeo - Hasn't Hit Me Yet (live)
Current berries to freeze: straw
Current fear of erections: quelled
Current favourite dash: em-
Current time spent on this post: too long
Current mood: fat and sassy
Current favourite word for fat and sassy: logy

Now hear this

Two quick notes:

1. My parents have switched cell phone plans, so the old number is no more, and for the duration of June, I have the new cell phone. Since I know better than to put my phone number online (Joyce) drop me a line and I'll give you the new number.

2. Today after a good ol' Memphis Blues dinner, Cecile and I got two bottles of "Propel", from the makers of Gatorade. (I figured my electrolytes were low.) Only after taking a huge swig of the stuff did I think to read the label. It turns out that it's not a sport drink, but in fact a vitamin supplement. The label actually lists "medicinal ingredients":

   1. Vitamin C (Ascorbic Acid)
   2. Vitamin B6 (Pyridoxine Hydrochloride)
   3. Vitamin B12 (Cyanocobalamin)
   4. Pantothenic Acid (Calcium d-Pantothenate)
   5. Niacin (Vitamin B3)
   6. Vitamin E (di-Alpha Tocopheryl Acetate)

   More alarmingly, it also says that you are to store it between 15 and 35 degrees Celsius, and we got it out of a refrigerator. Even more alarming is the "Cautions" section on the label:

   Vitamin B6 - Consult a health care practitioner prior to use if you are taking levodopa. Vitamin B12 supplementation can mask folate deficiency. Consult a health care practitioner if you are uncertain whether you are taking adequate folate. Niacin - Consult a health care practitioner if you have impaired liver function. Discontinue use if you experience a prolonged flushing, burning, tingling or itching sensation on the face, arms or chest.

   So my question to you, dear readers, is how will I know if my liver is failing? And how am I to distinguish the flushing, burning, tingling and itching that the drink might cause from the flushing, burning, tingling and itching that I always have?

Current Music: Broken Social Scene - Cause = Time

Fine

Point taken. Instead of forcing you all to look at a drawing of a penis, I'll instead provide proof for Jimothy that it is possible to beat Minesweeper in 110 seconds.

Oh, also, Joyce "tagged" me with some online quiz dealie:

Post five things you enjoy, even when no one around you wants to go out and play. What lowers your stress/blood pressure/anxiety level? Post it to your journal, and then tag 5 friends and ask them to post it to theirs.

I had to think about it, but since there's a big ol' MS Paint-style penis that needs to be bumped lower on the screen, I figured, why the hell not?

1. Minesweeper
2. Minesweeper Flags
3. The smug knowledge that people viewing this blog in IE aren't seeing things properly
4. The smug knowledge that a eulogy I wrote for something that didn't end up getting killed off is pretty good
5. "Take On Me" by A-Ha

Now: the question is, do I tag people who are NOT likely to do it, in the hopes that this quiz dies off, or do I tag people who are likely to do it? I think I'll go with the former, since even if they DO do it, it'll invariably be better than that of someone who might actually want to do it without prodding. So, the following of you, consider yourself tagged:

• Jowen
• Steve
• Ed
• Vikram
• Shelby

Actually, I'd pay good money (like, a quarter each) to see both Jim and Graham do it, that'd be even better. What do you guys say, for old times' sake?

Current Music: Spoon - The Delicate Place

Ah, the miracles of the internet

Current Music: XTC - Dear God

Odds and ends

Guess who's 27 today?

You guessed it: Garfield. Happy birthday, you fat pussycat.

I've decided that bookmarks are for sissies and that the only URL I should ever have to remember is my own, so I've put my whole e-life on the sidebar there. Enjoy. The blog links are getting a bit tough to navigate, and I'm starting to wonder if I should actually name the links after the people they're pointing to. That's a little bit too removed from my sidebar theme of making fun of my friends though, so as an alternative I'm also considering sorting it weekly by readability and how much I like you. The formula will likely be something like

(Readability + log(how much I like you) + last week's score)/4

but I am open to other suggestions. If I ever sell out, I might include another factor in the formula like "how many link credits you've bought in the last week", which of course will diminish your "how much I like you" score, since I can't respect anyone who is so vain as to buy such credits. Speaking of selling out, I think it would be pretty funny to put some AdSense ads on the top or side and see if I can get them to pop up Monistat 7 ads by talking about my yeast infection. I'm afraid, though, since at the absolute most 10 people read this blog on any given day, that I will be like a certain fellow some of us know who was somewhere in the middle of some wacky pyramid scheme or marketing opportunity and was receiving cheques for 14 cents every second week. As Jowen and Vikram might scream out as they jump off the CN tower, I ain't got time for that jibba-jabba. I pitied that fool.

I've also installed a site meter (metre?) in an attempt to gauge how many friends I have, but the numbers are kinda inflated, methinks, by the fact that every time I navigate to my own site I visit all of those blogs on the sidebar. I realize I'm a total link whore, which makes me feel bad sometimes. But I'm proud of those links. They make me look like I have friends.

Current Music: Young and Sexy - Life Through One Speaker

Sobering realization

Once again, I am reminded that my life is not noble.

Holy shit, I just beat expert Minesweeper in 110 seconds

That is all.

Current Music: Spoon - The Delicate Place

What's Wang This Week

I just saw Spoon in concert, it was hot. Every time I'm at the Commodore, I dream about playing the Commodore. Maybe I should avoid the Commodore, since it usually makes me daydream for months while I should be doing stuff other than daydreaming, like, for example, becoming good enough at music to warrant playing the Commodore.

I have homework: not hot. The summer school is already half over and I feel like I've learned a tonne already, but I guess I'll have to learn another tonne. I may have to re-evaluate the things that I keep in my head, and give some of them up to make room. I may have to forget some of your names, I'm very sorry.

Work is interesting and it's making me hustle. The postdoc who's working with Dr. Slade and me is a nice guy who is also very bright, knows a whole bunch on the topic, and it's clear to me that he could do (and is doing) all of the work I've done, only in a smarter and faster manner. Basically, I am getting served. In other work news, Dr. Slade told me to call him Gord. I continue to move on up.

I'm writing this on a computer that's 9 years old and it's running faster than my computer. Something is definitely screwy; I fear the big reformat is nigh. I've never done this before, does anyone have any advice for me? Do I need to wear protective eyegear or anything?

Current Music: Spoon - Everything Hits at Once

Note to self

Don't forget that Father's Day is Sunday.

Ingrate.

Current Music: Spoon - Me and the Bean

T-minus 13 hr 7 min until delivering "1/2d Expansion of the Connective Constant"

It's go time, bitch.

Current Music: XTC - Are You Receiving Me?

Pet Peeve (or, What's Wrong With Wang) #3

For weeks now I've been craving New York Fries. Last week I attempted to get some before seeing HHGG at Station Square; due to a combination of traffic and my own ineptitude I was thwarted. Today I tried to get some before seeing RotS for the second time; this time, due to a combination of homework and traffic, I was foiled again. Since I was unable to make it to the food fair in time before the movie, I decided to buy some at a ridiculous price in the Silvercity just because I wanted them that much. As it turns out, Metropolis is probably the ONLY Silvercity without a NYF. Then, the movie ends at 6:00, exactly when the food fair closes.

PWNES.

This got me to thinking about what my buddy David (S., from Berkeley) terms the Burger King phenomenon: whenever you want Burger King, they're nowhere to be found; but when you're not hungry they turn up at every highway exit. Come to think of it, every time I have had Burger King, it's because I made a specific trip to get it, never because it was convenient.

I'm also remembering another time once when I was in Berkeley that I had a huge craving for McDonalds, but it was Sunday night and they closed at 10:00. This same thing seems to happen to me a lot with A&W, McDonalds, and Little Caesar. While these, like the NYF fiasco, are not instances of the Burger King phenomenon (hereafter referred to as BKp), they and the BKp highlight a seemingly-recurrent theme in my recent years, which is Pet Peeve #3: my inability to acquire fast food.

Speaking of NYF, Jimothy discovered that the four countries that NYF exists in are:

1. Canada
2. Korea
3. Australia
4. the United Arab Emirates

What the fuck? Why is making it easier for people in Korea, Australia, and the United Arab Emirates to get unauthentic poutine more important than building a free-standing New York Fries restaurant that is NOT in a mall or food court of some type? I mean, it's cool that they're spreading their particular brand of love to the UAE, but don't you think it's a little weird that there are no New York Fries locations outside of malls?

Fuck, I could use some New York Fries.

Current Music: Spoon - The Two Sides of Monsieur Valentine

What's Wang This Week

It has been brought to my attention that I'm at math camp. w00t

Now that I have internet in my room (props to Jowen) I almost feel like, you know, I basically don't ever have to leave it. Even better, every so often the people come in to empty my garbage, make my bed, and generally clean up my mess. Even better than that? It's free, baby, free. This is the life.

I saw a "SPL K" licence plate on Tuesday. Speaking of which, where the fuck is Mike? Speaking of Mikes, I almost got my ass handed to me a couple of weeks ago. That was fun. Speaking of things on cars that people I know might like to know about, I saw a Maddox sticker on a car last week too. It was a nice car, too, which reminded me a bit of Don Henley's "Boys of Summer". Speaking of Don Henley, I think I'm going to listen to that song.

Random quote written on a chalkboard in the Math Annex two days ago:

I shat on the floor

-- Jowen

-- Jowen Yeo

I think I'm going to end up doing way more school-related work this month than I expected. Fortunately some of the UBC students are forming a study group, which ought to help. Being here is weird because I'm vaguely aware, everywhere I go, that I'm sort of seen as halfway between UBC and Berkeley, with people asking me lots of tour guide-y questions. I'm also vaguely aware that I'm, like, the youngest person everywhere I go. I don't know how I feel about continually put in situations where I'm the youngest person, as it reminds me of when I was younger and I'd hang out with people who were one year older than me and they'd just consume my resources and pick on me (fuckers). Oh well, I think that with the grey hair I can at least bluff my way into making people think I'm the oldest person instead.

I'm now remembering why people leave their rooms -- for food.

Current Music: Keane - Somewhere Only We Know
Current song I wish I had: Don Henley - Boys of Summer
Current lunch plans: Curry Point
Current impractical lunch plans: Curry in a Hurry (fuck, growing up is hard)

Random quotes from my past, provided without context #20

"ALAN!

"PHONE!"

-- Ed Chung

Current Music: The Eric Severinson Xplosion! - In Limbo (in my head)

What's Wang This Week: Update

Last night I got to sing "Rocky and Bullwinkle" with the BC Quartet in a public setting. (In my heart and mind, it will always be the Eric Severinson Xplosion! though.) I got lots of compliments and a "We love you Rich".

I felt like a king.

In other news, I moved into Gage today. It's a lot different when you're here in the summer. They provide us with EVERYTHING: soap, shampoo, pots, pans, plates, a toaster, a rice cooker, a TV... too bad the Resnet's not free. I'm contemplating paying for it anyway but for now I'm leeching off the wireless, which is amazingly usable all the way up on the 14th floor, but still dies if I look at it the wrong way. Um, that's it. There's no punch line or anything. I guess that wasn't very funny.

But it was topical, and that's what WWTW (and by extension WWTW:U) is all about. My life is not just all fun and games. It's not just some big slice of happy-fun-cake. Sometimes I gots to get down to teh business, like, say, Rambo, or Wilford Brimley on that episode of Seinfeld.

Current Music: Spoon - Gimme Fiction

How about this, is THIS what you think of me?

How about this? This is Vikram's take on my life.

Yeah, I guess I could deal with that.

Current Music: The Beatles - The White Album

Is THIS what other people think of me?

Is this what people think of "What's Wang This Week"?

Shit, I need to go back to the drawing board.

Current Music: Sloan - A Long Time Coming

EDIT (June 3, 2005): Never mind; apparently this isn't even what Vikram thinks of WWTW. I like to think I lead a somewhat more interesting life and run a somewhat less boring blog than that.

What's Wang This Week

With the start of work comes the end of things to talk about. I really got nothin'. But here goes anyway.

Today I played with the "Next Blog" button at the top of my blog for the first time. I was amazed at the stuff you can find out there; for example, everything you ever wanted to know about prostate cancer, right there waiting for you. Need to move to Minneapolis for treatment at the Mayo Clinic? You'll need moving boxes. Having concerns about how to pay for your prostate cancer treatment? Well, 0% APR Credit Card info just might be your saviour. But take it from me, be careful any time you buy prostate cancer online.

Saturday night I will be joining Eric's jazz combo at an informal gig with their friends in attendance to sing a song about Derek. Great, right? Well, great until I realized I don't think I can sing and play guitar at the same time anymore. Come to think of it, I don't think I ever could. Oh well, I'm sure I can miraculously improve my coordination in the next two days... but it's going to take some moral support. Who amongst you will come watch me sing a song rife with homosexual undertones amongst people I don't know?

Things I have learned today on teh intarweb:

• People don't watch enough classic SNL
• A Catholic schoolteacher has called for my castration
• I am a republican

It's amazing how easily people will turn on you when you call someone an ignorant slut. I even provided context -- and as you, my dear readers, know, I never provide context online -- and people are still calling for my balls. And, I have to add, it's quite astonishing that so many people don't remember the classic SNL bit. I simultaneously pooh-pooh your lack of pop-culture knowledge and envy your having of lives.

It looks like next year I will be the TA for the main graduate probability course at Berkeley (the one I just finished). How's that for an ego trip, eh? People come from the world around to study probability at Berkeley, and who's gonna be their TA?

Me, baby, me.

You know what that is? Fuckin' clutch, that's what.

Current Music: The Beatles - Helter Skelter