Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Dating tips #1

I was walking to the library to pick up some photocopies, minding my own business, listening to tunes. I look up about 30 paces from the door of a library and there's a guy, trying to get away from a dog, kicking at it and then ducking behind his girlfriend. I didn't see any sign of the dog being particularly aggressive towards it, especially because afterwards, the dog walked up next to me and I just sidestepped it and it left me alone. Both guy and girlfriend walked away.

Immediately after I saw this, I looked at the guy and saw the worst of every Honger stereotype I've ever imagined or seen. Self-centred to the point of cruelty towards others, a submissive and frightened-looking girlfriend, an awful malicious snarl on his face. Also, he kicked like a bitch. (Actually, this is all reminding me a lot of the bad guy from The Karate Kid Part II, except for the kicking.) All of this led me to immediately think that this guy must be one of the most shit-eating self-centred assholes in the surrounding kilometre. Had I not seen him kick a dog, I would never have noticed any of these things.

So, while I am no expert, this certainly leads me to

Dating tip #1: Don't kick dogs, as it makes you look like a piece of shit.

Now, after I saw this, I just kept walking. One second after it happened, another guy started screaming at the now-walking-away dog-kicker, and another guy joined in with a resounding "Yeah, you are a prick!" About two seconds after that, I realized, "Hey, why aren't I yelling at him?" But I didn't, because then I'd look like a Johnny come lately. I still don't understand fully why I didn't immediately say something. The best I can piece together is that, in that one second where I made the decision,

  • I wanted to avoid conflict

  • I didn't have my wits about me and would have stuttered

  • I was incredibly confused at what I just saw, because honestly, who kicks dogs

  • the dog seemed okay so I moved on

  • I was too busy making all of those revelations in the second paragraph

In hindsight, the first thing is really stupid because I could totally have taken the guy, the fourth is a little alarming, and the second, third, and fifth just indicate that I'm a clueless idiot. (The racial profiling immediately following is a bit alarming also.) It has made me decide, though, that in the future should I ever be faced with a similar situation, I will go with an indignant and scowling, "What the fuck?" In any case, I don't feel all that good about myself. But not that bad; hell, it's not like I kicked a dog or anything.

Come to think of it, my dating tip doesn't even make sense, because he has a girlfriend and I don't. Now what the fuck is that?

Current Music: My Morning Jacket - Into The Woods


Edward said...

Billie Joe sez:

Oh nice guys finish last
when you run out of gas.
Don't pat yourself on the back
you might break your spine.

Dickolas Wang said...

If that's true...
Dating tips #2: Kick dogs. (?)

rachel said...

I told you self-depricating blog posts are funny.

Don't do it too often though cos then you'll just sound like some whiny indie/emo kid.

Oh, and you know, if you DID do it too often, some of us would probably start to worry.

And anyways, I'm sure no girlfriend is better than "a submissive and frightened-looking" girlfriend.

Edward said...

"submissive and frightened-looking" girlfriend can't be worse than richard's left (or is it right?) hand.