I'm an innovator

You hear about double hamburgers and double cheeseburgers all the time. But you never hear about double hot dogs.

Until now.

Note to self

It's Galen's birthday.

Current Music: Air Supply - All Out Of Love

YES

YES

Yours,

Dickolas

T-minus 75 minutes until delivering Statistics Student Seminar talk

It's go time, bitch.

Current Music: Kenny Loggins feat. Michael McDonald - This Is It
P.S.: I bet you thought I forgot about Features Week.

Where have you been all my life, Facebook group "Mediocre NHLers of the 1990s"?

As I get closer to my qualifying exam, the work just piles up. Unfortunately, the energy is wearing down, and so I find myself sitting idly at a computer more than I should. I'm in one of my "the internet bores me!" phases where I am stuck in a rut of reading maybe four websites a day and then re-reading them because I don't want to bother typing in any other URLs.

Naturally, I turn to Facebook. Especially of late, with Facebook seemingly catching on back home, there's been a flurry of activity there. However, every time I visit Facebook it seems like I go there with the expectation that I will get hours of entertainment, when really, it provides minutes. So, I keep going back there, hoping for some kind of momentous news on my News Feed. Almost always, there isn't, so I just return a poke (or two) and log back out.

That is, until I found "Mediocre NHLers of the 1990's", which has the potential to provide me with the hours of entertainment I so desire. Mind you, there are people who don't seem to grasp the difference between mediocrity and downright sucking¹, as well as that between the 1990s and other decades. Still, there are true gems of mediocrity in there, and every single one of them warms my heart.

Looking through the pictures in the group (all posted under the requirement that the name of the player be given -- "REMEMBER, THEY'RE MEDIOCRE, WHO'S GONNA RECOGNIZE THEM") takes me back to NHL 94, where players were conveniently distilled down to a single number describing how likely they were to score when they shot/stop a shot. The comments kill me too. So far, the players and comments include:

• Bob Corkum


• Guy Hebert


• Terry Yake, a personal favourite


• Michel Petit, who IIRC was rated in the 50s in NHL 94, which is the truest measure of mediocrity


• Dave Babych: "Possibly the slowest player in NHL 93"


• Troy Gamble: a commenter suggests that if Las Vegas ever gets its NHL franchise, longtime Canuck backup Gamble and Maxim Bets are there for the ceremonial puck drop


• Sergei Krivokrasov: "For some reason, he was apparently good enough to have the scoring stick icon on NHL 2001."


• Rick Tabaracci


• Paul Ysebaert

Also on the group is a discussion on the best hockey names ever. I'd have to suggest Dale Hawerchuk myself, but it's hard to argue with Hnat Dominichelli, Zarley Zalapski, and Hakan Loob.

And I'm only on #231 of over 750! Thank you, Facebook.

Current Music: Elvis Costello - Pump It Up

1. Disclaimer: every single one of these players is far better at hockey than I am. I can't skate backwards. I can barely skate forwards.

How else will I segue from "Heart of Gold" to "Spanish Flea"

me:

I bought one of those harmonica rack thingies

me:

so I can play harmonica and guitar at the same time

Théa:

haha!

me:

except that when I wear it, I feel like a gimp

Théa:

you probably look like one too

Théa:

my roommie Lorne used to have one, but we mostly used it as a sandwich holder.

me:

that's awesome

Théa:

so you don't need to use your hands

me:

so I think I should duct tape my kazoo to this thing

Théa:

oh no

Théa:

don't try to play kazoo and harmonica in the same song

me:

c'mon

me:

in one song, I could sing, whistle, play kazoo, and play harmonica

me:

I suppose I could also hum

me:

and talk

Théa:

you could also get hit in the face with a burrito.

me:

which is what you'd do to me if I tried that?

Théa:

if not me, then someone

me:

but it's also so that I can sing and play kazoo in the same song

me:

that's gotta be acceptable

me:

singing along, then, kazoo solo

Théa:

I'm sorry

Théa:

I can't support you in this

me:

spoilsport

me:

all along it has been a dream to construct my harmonikazoo

Théa:

you made it into one word. Oh no.

me:

just like I will make it into one *instrument*

me:

with duct tape

Théa:

please write a blog post about this

Current Music: Blue Rodeo - 5 Days In May

YES

YES

Yours truly,

Dickolas

P.S. At 12:31AM!